Changing Your Child's Heart Part 3

Tantrums

This is something I've had a lot of experience with dealing with Kiera. Unfortunately, most of the time I haven't handled it in the best way. I've been told by many people to leave her alone and she'll quit when she no longer has an audience. So, I've often sent her to her room. It seems to make sense, but this book suggested an alternative method. The author said, "If you ignore the child, they feel out of control, abandoned, hurt, and angry. You send the message that they're on their own." God doesn't leave us alone when we have a bad attitude, so why would I do that to Kiera? The author says this:

-Move toward the conflict + hold them tightly so they can't move: You can hold them on your lap facing you, or sideways, or away from you
-If they're bigger and it doesn't work to hold them on your lap, you can hold them lying underneath you face up or the least preferred position: underneath you face down (least preferred because they're facing away from you)
-If they are screaming or trying to bite, clamp their mouth shut (make sure they can breathe)
-To protect from head butting, hold their head tightly against your chest or pin it to the floor
-Let go once they're relaxed and ready to cooperate

1. Let your child cry
2. Talk to your child in soothing tones
3. The first way your child can demonstrate their regained self-control is with their words. This is a good time to have them practice verbally submitting to you. (I told Kiera to say, "I'm ready to obey you, Mommy. I'm sorry for screaming," and then I told her I forgave her and asked for a hug.)
4. Release your child. Their breathing is the barometer. When it has been slow and steady for a while, they are ready to talk about what happened.
5. Decide whether or not your child should finish the work or exercises originally assigned to them before they exploded.
6. Restore the relationship to harmony as always.

This method may seem extreme and strange as it can turn into a bit of a wrestling match depending on how hard they fight, but it works well. I've done this with Kiera twice this week and both times it has taken between 5-10 minutes. The first time I held her on my lap facing away from me and the 2nd time she was on my lap facing toward me. The first time she was screaming, "No Mommy! Don't touch me! I can't move!" I just kept telling her I would let go when she was quiet and ready to be happy and obey. The 2nd time she screamed a bit, but not nearly as much and not as long, either. This way, I'm helping her deal with her attitude instead of just leaving her alone and I stay with her until it is resolved. The author said this method is effective for any age up until the teens, as long as you're stronger than them. I feel much more confidant with all of these new tools and I know I'm not going to do everything perfectly, but it's great to know how to not just change her behavior, but to change the root of the problem which is her attitude. I need to remember to pray, pray, pray, as I can't do this on my own. I also have to say that 80-90% of the time, Kiera is well-behaved, so I try to focus on that and encourage her for all of the times she plays nicely and is obedient. I hope this has been helpful to those who maybe needed some new ideas or to those who will soon be starting to discipline. There is a lot more in the book than what I've shared, so if you're interested at all in reading it, it is "Changing Your Child's Heart" by Steve Sherbondy.