Our Day Trip

On Tuesday evening, I surprised my sister + brother-in-law by taking the kids to meet them at the airport. They weren’t expecting to see us until Wednesday morning. On the way back to my parents’ house, I was trying to get Kiera to sing a song for Art + Jenene. The conversation went like this:

Me: Kiera, can you sing Amazing Grace?

Kiera: No, I can’t sing Amazing Grace.

Me: I think you can.

Kiera: No I can’t.

Me: I’m pretty sure you can.

Kiera: No Mom, I’m pretty sure I can’t!

I just burst out laughing! Her sentences are incredible! I would say she’s definitely been talking like a 3-year-old for the past several months.

2nd conversation:
Me (to my Mom): My sister-in-law and brother-in-law bought a shih-poo (a shih tzu poodle).

Kiera: Did she poo?

Ha ha!

So anyway, on Wednesday, I went with the kids, my Mom, Art, and Jenene for a day trip across the border. My Mom gave me a bunch of cash to spend on clothes and that was my birthday present, which was exactly what I wanted! I haven’t bought any nice winter clothes in 3 years, since I was pregnant with Kiera! I have a hard time spending money, especially on myself. The kids + I slept in that morning on purpose, since we had a late night on Tuesday. We left at 11:15 a.m. and got to our destination around 2:00, including a stop for gas and feeding Blake. All the way down, Kiera was obsessed with seeing tractors. She would see one and then after we drove by it, she would say, “I wanna see another tractor! I wanna see another tractor!” That was pretty much how she was the whole drive there. We got to our destination and the first store we went to, I ended up buying 7 shirts for $100! It was all covered by my birthday money, except for one shirt which my sister bought for me for my birthday.

At 4:00, we went for a meal, since the others had a small lunch in the van on the way there and I had a late, filling breakfast.

We did some more shopping after that. I’ve been looking for shoes for the kids to wear to my sister-in-law’s wedding and I’ve had an especially hard time finding little white shoes at this time of year. I also wanted Blake to have black shoes that he could wear with his shirt/vest/black pants outfit but that weren’t overly dressy so that he can wear them with jeans, too. I found shoes for both kids at Payless Shoes and they had buy one pair get the 2nd half off, so the total was $22!

We were done shopping shortly after 7:00 and then Art fed Blake some baby food in the van. We hadn’t even left the mall parking lot yet and Blake was fast asleep! Both kids did SOOOO well despite not having any naps. They were happy almost the whole time and it was so much more relaxing for me having extra hands to help. Blake slept most of the way home and Kiera talked and talked and talked. The only time she was quiet was when she was pushing the buttons on the toy tractor my Mom bought her. It makes loud noises and lights up when the buttons are pushed. I timed Kiera and the longest she stopped talking for was 30 seconds and it was a 3-hour drive back home with a stop for gas. No joke! I think the drive there was about the same. Some kids fall asleep in vehicles, but not Kiera, unless she is exhausted to the max. We got to the border and I said to God, “It would be really nice if we wouldn’t have to pay taxes and duty.” Altogether we spent $250 between the 4 of us adults, so I was fairly certain that we were going to pay. We pulled up to the border guard and he was asking questions and Kiera was chattering away. She had a toy cowboy and said, “He has a blue shirt on!” The border guy said, “Ya, I have a blue shirt on, too!” He had to repeat a question or two because Kiera wouldn’t stop talking. Then he said, “It’s ok. I’m the 2nd oldest of 26 first cousins. We’re a French Catholic family.” He was SO nice and funny. He was filling out a form as he was asking me questions and then at the end he said, “You know, once a day I give someone a break. It’s almost the end of the my shift and I haven’t given anyone a break yet.” He ripped up the form and said, “Don’t tell anyone because we have a reputation to uphold here at the border. Have a nice evening.” I was grinning from ear to ear and said, “Thank you! Bless you!” That was totally the grace of God. We would have owed between $40-50 worth of taxes and duty. It was the perfect end to an almost perfect shopping trip! When we finally pulled onto the driveway at 10:30 p.m., we unloaded the van and the whole time, Blake was still sleeping! He normally wakes up as soon as the van stops.

 

He only woke up once he was actually almost inside the house. He was pretty done. We were all very tired, but happy with how the day turned out!

Fun Fun Fun!

This past Saturday, Jared and I went out for a date night. Those are few and far between, so it was very enjoyable! We went to one of our favorite places that I think I've mentioned before. It's a crepe restaurant. Once again, we had a fantastic experience! I had a pizza crepe and Jared had a chicken/bacon/ranch crepe. I know that might sound weird since when people hear the word "crepe," most of the time they think of a dessert crepe. Their non-dessert crepes are REALLY good! For dessert, I had a caramelized apple with ice cream crepe and Jared had a cheesecake with berries crepe. YUM! I also tried a peach/apple bubble tea and it was very tasty. I enthusiastically told one of the girls who came to clear our table how this was one of my favorite restaurants! I give it 5 stars out of 5!

I have been waiting for this week ALL year! My sister + brother-in-law are coming for a week-long visit from Washington and they arrive today. I am SOOOO SUPER EXCITED!!!! We haven't seen them since last Christmas when Blake was 7 weeks old. So ya, he's changed a bit since then and so has Kiera. If I'm not online much the next 7 days, it's because we have plans with them every single day. My Mom warned them that they're going to be busy, so hopefully they don't get too overwhelmed. That's what happens when you come over a holiday and throw in some birthday parties and a trip across the border. Let the fun begin!

Changing Your Child's Heart Part 3

Tantrums

This is something I've had a lot of experience with dealing with Kiera. Unfortunately, most of the time I haven't handled it in the best way. I've been told by many people to leave her alone and she'll quit when she no longer has an audience. So, I've often sent her to her room. It seems to make sense, but this book suggested an alternative method. The author said, "If you ignore the child, they feel out of control, abandoned, hurt, and angry. You send the message that they're on their own." God doesn't leave us alone when we have a bad attitude, so why would I do that to Kiera? The author says this:

-Move toward the conflict + hold them tightly so they can't move: You can hold them on your lap facing you, or sideways, or away from you
-If they're bigger and it doesn't work to hold them on your lap, you can hold them lying underneath you face up or the least preferred position: underneath you face down (least preferred because they're facing away from you)
-If they are screaming or trying to bite, clamp their mouth shut (make sure they can breathe)
-To protect from head butting, hold their head tightly against your chest or pin it to the floor
-Let go once they're relaxed and ready to cooperate

1. Let your child cry
2. Talk to your child in soothing tones
3. The first way your child can demonstrate their regained self-control is with their words. This is a good time to have them practice verbally submitting to you. (I told Kiera to say, "I'm ready to obey you, Mommy. I'm sorry for screaming," and then I told her I forgave her and asked for a hug.)
4. Release your child. Their breathing is the barometer. When it has been slow and steady for a while, they are ready to talk about what happened.
5. Decide whether or not your child should finish the work or exercises originally assigned to them before they exploded.
6. Restore the relationship to harmony as always.

This method may seem extreme and strange as it can turn into a bit of a wrestling match depending on how hard they fight, but it works well. I've done this with Kiera twice this week and both times it has taken between 5-10 minutes. The first time I held her on my lap facing away from me and the 2nd time she was on my lap facing toward me. The first time she was screaming, "No Mommy! Don't touch me! I can't move!" I just kept telling her I would let go when she was quiet and ready to be happy and obey. The 2nd time she screamed a bit, but not nearly as much and not as long, either. This way, I'm helping her deal with her attitude instead of just leaving her alone and I stay with her until it is resolved. The author said this method is effective for any age up until the teens, as long as you're stronger than them. I feel much more confidant with all of these new tools and I know I'm not going to do everything perfectly, but it's great to know how to not just change her behavior, but to change the root of the problem which is her attitude. I need to remember to pray, pray, pray, as I can't do this on my own. I also have to say that 80-90% of the time, Kiera is well-behaved, so I try to focus on that and encourage her for all of the times she plays nicely and is obedient. I hope this has been helpful to those who maybe needed some new ideas or to those who will soon be starting to discipline. There is a lot more in the book than what I've shared, so if you're interested at all in reading it, it is "Changing Your Child's Heart" by Steve Sherbondy.

Changing Your Child's Heart Part 2

In the book, "Changing Your Child's Heart," he talks about 4 steps he calls "progression of discipline" that he takes to get a child to obey and get rid of their bad attitude.

1. Have your child verbally repeat what you want them to do (ex. Clean up their toys). With children under 5, have them repeat, "I will obey Daddy + Mommy." This is the kind of "brainwashing" they need. We have been doing this with Kiera and it has been working! Yesterday morning, she got out of bed and all on her own (I wasn't even thinking about it) she said, "I will obey Mommy!" :)
In the Bible, God says, "Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds...Teach them to your children, talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road..." Deuteronomy 11:18-19

2. If they don't do what you are asking them to do, have them do the task 3 times in a row. He calls this practicing consequences. (Ex. Tommy wasn't putting his bike away like he was asked, so he had to ride his bike to the end of the street, come back, and put the bike in the garage, ride to the end of the street, come back, and put the bike in the garage, etc.)
In the Bible, Israel practiced and practiced obedience in their observance of the rules for food preparation, work, social life, sacrifice, and worship.

3. Assign work (extra chores).
a. Match the degree of work difficulty with the level of the bad attitude
b. The job should use their muscles and not chemicals or power tools.
c. The standard for work assigned as a disciplinary tool is higher than the standard for daily chores.
d. Make sure the child is physically capable of doing the work you assign them. In their family, they started using this tool at the age of 3.
e. Attitude-adjustment work is not a substitute for regular chores.
Work is so effective for a very simple reason: it makes kids move. External movement will eventually change their internal posture.
In the Bible, when Israel sinned over and over, God made them slaves many times, which means they had to work hard.

4. The final tool: Exercise
If your child won't work out their attitudes by working, then you will give them a workout. Ex. Get them to do 20 push-ups and with each one have them count out loud and say, "Ok, Mom, one. Ok, Mom, two, etc." If their attitude isn't better after that, get them to do more push-ups or maybe switch to jumping jacks and have them count and say, "I'll respect Mom, one, I'll respect Dad, two, I'll respect my sister, three...etc." When in public, take them to the car and have them do exercises. That way not as many people will see them and you can leave if they aren't cooperating.

As I was reading, I thought, all of these are wonderful ideas, but none of them will work when my child is throwing a temper tantrum. He addresses that close to the end of the book, so I will tell you what he says about that tomorrow!

Changing Your Child's Heart Part 1

Right now, I'm reading a book called "Changing Your Child's Heart" - Parenting tools to change your child's attitude, not just behavior. It's by Steve Sherbondy. I HIGHLY recommend it. We have a strong-willed child and have been finding our discipline methods aren't always working, so I decided to see what advice this book would have to offer. He starts off by talking about the most common disciplines and why he finds some work and some don't. I can't say I agree with absolutely everything he says, but he has a lot of great ideas that have proven extremely effective with the most misbehaved kids he has worked with in a public school and also his own kids.

1. Taking away privileges
-The discipline should match the wrongdoing this often has nothing to do with the offense (ex. Tommy hits his brother and you take away a toy)
-Privileges are rewards for positive behavior + giving them works better than taking them away
-Children need motivation to obey. Privileges are earned by working for them. Once they are earned, they are theirs to keep + should not be taken away.

2. Confining children to their rooms (this is one we've used frequently)
-Their rooms should feel like desirable places + should not be places to isolate them
-They should be sanctuaries, not prisons
-It has nothing to do with the problem in the first place
-Most of the time, it allows their negative feelings to fester or they just go have a pity party
-It may be damaging emotionally as they could feel rejection "I must be really bad because my own Mom + Dad don't even want me around.'

3. Time-outs (sitting on a chair)
-Can be effective for everyone to calm down, think, and act appropriately
-Can be overused
-They don't require a lot of time + energy from the adult

4. Grounding
-The biggest problem is that it lasts too long. When discipline goes on too long, it feels unfair to the children.
-Returning to a harmonious relationship is the point of discipline. You want to repair + restore a relationship as soon as you can.
-It's easy not to follow through with punishment + end it early due to good behavior or them wearing you down with grumpiness

5. Spanking
-Can lose effectiveness by being overused. When overused, children eventually learn to stiffen their bodies against the swats. What beings as stiff bodies gets internalized into stiff-necked, hard-hearted children.
-Too often, the emphasis is on the pain + not on the restoration necessary after spanking.
-In his family, after the age of 2, they only spanked for lying and stealing
-Disrespect is destructive but often rebellion can't be spanked out of a child
-When he spanked, he used a spoon so that the child would associate the pain with the spoon and not the hands
-Before spanking, he would ask them why they were getting spanked...this helps the child verbally submit one last time
-"We want to leave a lasting impression on their character but only a temporary impression on their skin"
-He made sure no other children witnessed it to avoid humiliation and he only gave 2 swats on the bum
-After, he held his child while they cried, told them they hoped they remembered how important it is to tell the truth (in this case), and immediately offered forgiveness when the child asked
-After, he celebrated the restoration of relationship with ice cream, jumping on the trampoline, etc.

Spanking

The Act: 1 or 2 spanks on the bum
The Intent: Training: To correct problem behavior
The Attitude: With love and concern
The Effects: Behavioral correction

Physical Abuse

The Act: -Beating: to strike repeatedly (also kick, punch, choke)
The Intent: -Violence: Force intended to injure or abuse
The Attitude: -With anger + malice
The Effects: -Emotional + physical injury

Tomorrow, I will tell you the disciplines + techniques he uses which are very interesting!

It’s Been 6 Years

Tomorrow, it will be 6 years since the first day of Capernwray Winter School.  Jared and I had been dating for all of 3 weeks when it started and I was gone for 6 months.  This is the place where many memories were made

and these are some of the friends I made memories with:

Megan, Allison, and Sarah

Kelly, who I spent quite a bit of time with

This group that I went to Ireland with and hiked along the coast with

Stephanie + Chelsea

Jimmy + Justin

Luke + Curtis

Allison + Josh, who met there and are now married

Pamela, Stephen, Kyle, Tyler, and Andrew

Ruth, Jimmy, Rob, Justin, and Kim

Curtis + Evan

Anna + Janice

Michael, who’s older brother I went to Spring School with in 2003

and my roommates from the first semester, Olya, Kristin, and Sarah

 

I will never forget any of you and will always cherish the time we spent together!

Bedding Dilemma

I’m working on our birthday + Christmas wish lists right now because we usually give them out to family members at Thanksgiving.  I would really like some bedding for Blake for when he switches from a crib to a bed.  I’ve been searching all over the internet for the perfect bedding and I’ve narrowed them down to 2 (I’ve spent way too much time on this).  I REALLY like them both, so I decided to let you all help me decide. 

Thomas the Tank Track Star Bedding

Sports bedding

The sports bedding is double the price of the Thomas bedding, but from the reviews I’ve read, it’s high quality and will stay in good condition for a long time.  Also, Blake will outgrow the Thomas bedding (age-wise, not physically) quite a bit quicker than the sports bedding, but I don’t know if I should be thinking that long-term at this point.  I’m just not sure up until what age he’ll like the Thomas bedding.  I think they’re both great, though.  As you can see, I’ve been going back and forth.  Which one do you think I should choose?  Any and all input is greatly appreciated!  Thanks!